maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
