I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
