I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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