Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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