Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
