i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
