so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
