i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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