Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
