I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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