Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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