I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
