I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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