He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
