it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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