Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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