I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
