are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
