Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize