What a fucking waste of an outfit
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
