all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
