so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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