Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
