i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i out mim tonsoeep
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