very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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