I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
