her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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