I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
