So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
