can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
