do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
