Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
