I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
