Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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