Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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