And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
