Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
