i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
