Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
