Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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