i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
