just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
