I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
