I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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