What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
