I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
