My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
