I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
