Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
