i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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