I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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