If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
