would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
