I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
