so that wasnt chicken after all
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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