I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
