Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
