Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
