I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
