i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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