Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
