Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and she was petting her beer can
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
