I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
