I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
