he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
