i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
