So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
