That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
