I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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