Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
