Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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