i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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