Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
