No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
