I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
