Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
