The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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