I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize