I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
