i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
