don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
