My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
