Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
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I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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