wakey wakey hands off snakey
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
