Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
