you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
