he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
