lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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