please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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