I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize