i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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