Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
