I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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