My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
